hug
posted on august 28, 2026
I am living through a complicated breakup, heavy loneliness and a lack of affection weighing on my heart. I need to be loved, reassured, given gentle words, and taken care of. And in return, I crave exactly the same things. I desperately need love in my life.
Sometimes, for no reason, I find myself crying, feeling nostalgic and very lonely. These moments are the worst because it is impossible for me to move on.
My interior is a chaos, everything has collapsed. I no longer know how to live according to my principles, my ideals, which was something dear to me and that guided me day after day. I am able to spend very long hours vegging in front of screens.
I am unable to be alone with myself, alone with my thoughts. Most of the time, I distract by being busy at work, going to see friends, watching a video, listening to music. Only, when night falls and we have to fall asleep, no matter the level of fatigue, I can’t do it. My thoughts arise like monsters, looping in my mind, devouring me. It’s the same pattern day after day, I’m getting more and more mentally tired.
Sometimes I feel like I’m dead, no feeling, no emotion comes to me, I’m like a head in the clouds, or underwater. At the wheel, I sometimes have the idea of crashing into a wall or a pole, throwing myself into the water.
Socially, I unintentionally try to play a role where I translate my sadness into humor. My sorrow does not show up so that people do not have to force themselves to console me. I don’t like it at all, but getting through it is very complicated.
The idea of finding someone interests me a lot, except that I’m not ready. I first have to rebuild myself. I feel a lack of sexual intercourse, but I think it’s mostly the complicity of the act that I miss.
The breakup is not inevitable, I know very well that the future will be brighter and that I need to invest all the love from before in what makes me happy today in order to move forward.
I need a very long hug where I can pour out all my sorrow, feel affection, be reassured.