fuyarde

Looking back, 2025 was a very difficult year for me. A year in which I couldn't figure out what I wanted in life, didn't know where I was going, and was unable to make decisions. A year in which I fell back into the beginnings of an Internet addiction and became attached to relationships with people who didn't care about me. A job that ate away at me from the inside. I also made a lot of bad choices, which seemed good at the time. A slow descent into limbo, where my mental health took a serious hit.

I decided that 2026 will be the year of renewal, and the year of disconnection. Continuing to disconnect from the internet, but also disconnecting from my social circle.

Recently, I decided to start tidying up and sorting through my physical belongings in my house. It helps me get rid of mental clutter. However, it has slightly drifted towards sorting through my social relationships. Drinking outings, partying, pointless and uninteresting discussions, a whole bunch of activities that seemed normal to me no longer resonate with me. The year when my interests will come before those of others and I will no longer care about those who don't care about me. The year when I want to regain my self-confidence, to no longer have this constant fear of upsetting others with my opinions, my desires, my choices, when they don't care about me and dare to upset me. I don't want to become selfish like a lot of people, but at least I want to put my mental health before the pleasure of others. A year that I want to spend cultivating myself, reading, meditating, repairing myself and taking care of my mental health, letting go and slowing down for good, leaving the rat race behind.

I want to reconnect with reality for good and leave the virtual world in which I have long been imprisoned, the superficiality, the pretence. A life where I can live according to my desires and have confidence in my choices. ✷